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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Whacking Day
May 10th is Whacking Day.

Founded by Jebediah Springfield in 1775, every May 10th, the citizens of Springfield drive the snakes into the town square, then club them to death. Past participants include Richard Nixon. Barry White has also served as Grand marshall.

Whacking snakes is even Biblically approved: Reverend Lovejoy quotes "...and the Lord said, whack ye all the serpents which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others."

Some, including noted rabblerouser Bob Woodward in his book The Truth about Whacking Day, have claimed that it was started merely as an excuse to beat up the Irish. Others know better.

So, take some time today, whack a few snakes and sing the Whacking Day theme:
Oh whacking day, oh whacking day,
our hallowed snakes skull-cracking day,
we'll break their backs, gouge out their eyes,
their evil hearts, we'll pulverize,
oh whacking day, oh whacking day,
may God bestow his grace on thee.
In the words of Miss Springfield, "Gentlemen, start your whacking!"

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