A ripoff of the Chuck Norris facts, but still funny. Highlights:
Hamels is a sure thing. Only some sort of freak injury or something could keep him from saving the franchise. And we know that will never happen.
Cole Hamels outpitched Steve Carlton before he was even born.
Pedro Martinez keeps a picture of Cole Hamels under his hat for inspiration.
Jack Bauer calls Cole Hamels for advice.
When kids go to bed they wear Superman pajama; when Superman goes to bed he wears a Cole Hamels jersey.
The chief export of Cole Hamels is K's.
Cole Hamels punches people so hard he breaks his own hand.
Cole Hamels walked into Chickie's and Pete's wearing a Terrell Owens Cowboys jersey and people bought him drinks.