"Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"—Patrick Henry
"Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote an editorial in The Wall Street Journal on immigration reform. In it Arnold complains that too many immigrants are sneaking into the country and becoming governors." —Conan O'Brien
"Oh, so that is what the First Amendment means: Congress shall make no law abridging freedom of speech unless speech annoys politicians." —George Will
"San Francisco is in a time warp. I know what you're thinking: San Franciscans still think Marx and Lenin were onto something..." —Rich Galen
Jay Leno: [Last Saturday was] April 15th, tax day! It's the day that legal Americans wish they were illegal Americans. ... Also Easter—so while people are trying to hide Easter eggs from the kids they will also be trying to hide their nest egg from the IRS. ... Easter is so different in California. Like in Beverly Hills kids don't decorate Easter eggs, they paint low cholesterol egg beaters. Then they hire out illegal immigrants to go out and find them. ... There's a huge controversy here in California over a state senate bill that would require all students to study [homosexual] history. Proponents cite an alarming survey showing that 80% of kids don't know which one is Siegfried and which one is Roy. I had no idea it was that bad. ... Do you realize that Americans are now doing the jobs that immigrants won't do because they're out protesting? ... Over one million people marched in...protest. And while we were watching them do that another million people snuck across the U.S.-Mexican border. ... President Bush today announced a new fitness plan to get people walking. It's called "gasoline at three dollars a gallon."